Tag: Love

What Is Love?

Courtney4 Comments

Philosophers have been asking it since the beginning of time, and with Valentines day only two days away, now seems as good as ever to discuss the meaning of love on my blog.

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As a Christian, my first and foremost source is the Bible—which contains everything we need to know about some of life’s greatest topic. Mixing poetry with history and truth, the Bible covers a wide range of some of our most explored topics—including identity, faith, grace, relationships, life, and death. Furthermore, when it comes to love, there is no shortage of Bible verses to guide us in navigating this difficult and ever explored topic.

In Scripture, we learn that we’re supposed to love our enemies (Luke 6:35), our neighbors (Mark 12:31), and Jesus (Matthew 22:37-38), our friends (Proverbs 17:17), and if married—our spouse (Ephesians 5:33). We also learn in John 15:13 that Jesus showed the ultimate demonstration of love— by laying down His life for each and every one of us, making us friends of God.

We are also given a description of what love, ideally, should look like in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, which reads that love is patient, kind, does not envy, does not boast, is not proud, it does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs, and rejoices with the truth. It always protects, trusts, hopes, perseveres, and it never fails.

Please note that this is not some sort of impossible standard that we’re supposed to keep 100% all of the time. Some people have said that if your relationship with someone you loved didn’t perfectly match this standard, it wasn’t love. I don’t believe this is either true or Biblical. The only one who fulfills all of these things all of the time is Jesus Christ—who is the personification of love in flesh. Jesus’ standards are always something we should aspire to, but as humans, we will never be able to love perfectly all of the time. All of us are living in the in between, where our ability to love is both broken and beautiful at the same time. We’re affected by the fall, but we’re also new creations in Christ, created to do good works and make this world a brighter and better place and point others to a perfect love in the form of Jesus Christ.

Furthermore, as likely many of us are aware of, even on a subconscious level, there are different types of love. C.S. Lewis breaks these types of love into four different categories—Storage, Philia, Eros, and Agape. According to Lewis, Storage is a general kind of love—the kind that we’re supposed to have for the world, Philia is friendship love, Eros is romantic love, and Agape is an unconditional love—like the kind that God has for us.
These different kinds of love each play a part in our life in various ways—from our close friendships, to our families, to our desire to reach lives. Each of these different kinds of love were created for a specific purpose, to touch the world in a unique way when used right and according to God’s purposes. Furthermore, the Bible gives instructions on how to wisely steward each of these loves—teaching us how to love in our greatest capacity and in the most beautiful ways.

This Valentines Day, let us strive to be people who love well. In our families. In our friendships. In our communities.

Let us be known as people who love, and people who serve the God who created it all.

How To Cope With Heartbreak

Courtney3 Comments

This post may seem like somewhat of a downer at first sight, in light of the fact that one of the most relationship-y holidays is on the horizon. Nonetheless, recently God has put it on my heart to address those who may be struggling through this Valentines Day. Thus, I put together some tips that I believe are helpful with sort of thing and wrote a post for all of those who are dealing with a lost relationship (or crush) this Valentines Day.

Valentines day can be one of the worst days of the year if you’re going through a recent heartbreak. Everywhere you look, there are candy hearts, gifts for your significant other, and too many cards to count. Combined with the fact that after a heartbreak, everything seems to remind you of them, this is a very bad combo.

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Though, like I’ve admitted before, I’ve never been in a relationship, I have dealt with heartbreak in the past. It’s ignored or forgotten too often in society, but sometimes a crush gone wrong can cause the same sensation. There were real feelings involved and somewhere along the way, they got squashed. Stomped on. Broken.

It’s a feeling that can feel almost like an illness. Your stomach hurts, your throat feels swollen, and you don’t want to move out of your bed. You listen to Taylor Swift songs on a loop, as the situation goes from “sad, beautiful, tragic” to hating on his “stupid old pickup truck” (If you’re a Taylor Swift fan, you saw what I did there😉). You feel like you’ll never recover. You do, but you certainly never forget. Even years later, you’ll still remember the sound of their voice and meaningless details about them, but that’s OK. It’s a part of your past, and those who don’t know their history are doomed to repeat it.

Because heartbreak is such a universal topic—and ever so relevant around this time of the year, I decided to write a post about it, and give some advice on how to get through it.

Pray about it 

This is something that, admittedly, I didn’t do enough during my times of heartbreak. I journaled about it. Boy, did I journal about it! As a writer, my journals were the first thing I ran to when I faced heartache and my first one got quite a bit of air time, looking back. Nonetheless, I believe I may have healed quicker if I had prayed for God to take the pain away. As embarrassing and painful as heartbreak can be, God already knows about it, and as our friend, He’s a safe person to talk about this kind of thing with. I tell my earthly best friend practically everything, so why not do the same with our Heavenly friend and Savior?

Let yourself Rest

Going through heartbreak can be physically exhausting. One of the most tempting things during this time is to turn into a vegetable—lying in bed in sweats and watching too many episodes of Gilmore Girls. We should never remain in this position, but it’s OK to give yourself a break. You’ve been through a lot and your body needs time to recover just as much as your heart. Be nice to yourself during this time and give yourself a little thing we as Christians like to call grace.

Be wise

Thankfully, during the times that I went through heartbreak, I didn’t have social media. If I did, I’m almost positive I would have at least been tempted to pull the “social media stalking trick“. But please do yourself a favor—don’t do it! Looking at their pictures and status updates is only going to make this thing a hundred times worse. You don’t need to give this person that much thought. They’re a part of your past, and right now, your job is to find your way into the future. Which brings me to point #4.

Focus On Other Things

You don’t need another person to make you happy. The only one who can fill the emptiness that often accompanies heartbreak is Jesus. Turn to Him! Read your Bible, and maybe some good books. Hang out with some friends. Take up a hobby. Too often, we can make a person into an idol, and let them take up the place that only God should have. Never forget that another person doesn’t complete you—God does.

Allow yourself to remember and move on

The truth is, if the relationship/crush/person was significant enough, you’re never going to entirely forget about them. From time to time, you’ll wonder what ever happened to them and who they became. That’s OK. Like I said before, you’re going to remember them. They were an important part of your life, and hopefully, you learned more about life and yourself through that experience. You can’t live in the past, but you can be thankful for the lessons learned—and choose to move forward in your life.

When I first started this blog, I often used to post a song at the end, and for this post, I believe it will be especially fitting.

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” – Pslams 147:3 

We Are Family

CourtneyLeave a comment

I wrote this post a while back for The Recovering Legalist, and since my blogging has been a little slow lately, I decided to repost it onto my blog. This is a topic that I’ve blogged a little about in other posts, but that I wrote about in depth in this one. 

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What does it mean to be a family?

Ask ten different people and you’ll get ten different answers.

To some, it’s the parents and siblings that they were raised with. To others, it’s their current family unit that they’ve created for themselves, through marriage and procreation. Still to others, it’s a grandparent or relative who raised them.

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Family is a concept that is embedded deep within the human heart. We all long for a place to belong and feel at home.

A place to kick off our shoes after a long day.

A place where we can be fully ourselves—quirks and all.

A place to love and be loved.

Society tells us that family is limited to those related to us through blood or marriage.

The Bible on the other hand, tells a different story. When ­asked about His brothers and mother in the book of Matthew, Jesus turns previously held assumptions about family upside-down.

“Jesus asked, “Who is my mother? Who are my brothers?” Then he pointed to his disciples and said, “Look, these are my mother and brothers. Anyone who does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother!”(Matthew 12:48-50)

Jesus broadens the definition of family to include every believer who has been washed in the blood of Christ and saved by God’s amazing grace.

You are my brother. I am your sister. We are one giant family connected through the blood of Christ. Whatever your experience with your biological family, you have the guarantee of a family in Christ. This concept is reinforced throughout the New Testament, as familial language is repetitively used (1 Timothy 5:1-2, Hebrews 13:1, Philemon 1:15-16). The Bible even goes into detail about how to live this out, instructing us time and time again to love one and other and walk with fellow believers through times of trouble.

We live in a world that is starving for love. Look no further than the local news station to find that divisions between people are running rampant. This should not be so among believers. If we want to love a broken world, we must start by loving each other. Despite our many differences, we are one in Christ. This point is presented beautifully in Galatians 3:28. “There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”

Imagine how amazing our witness for Christ would be if we truly lived out Jesus’ vision for believers. I have seen the concept of family practiced vividly in the Christian blogging world and pray that this becomes a reality worldwide. No one should ever feel left out in the body of Christ. The first thing that a person should know when the walk through the doors of our churches is that they are loved. When Jesus hung on the cross, His arms were spread wide open, embracing everyone willing to come and follow Him. We are called to live as a reflection of that, and live out God’s radical love here on earth as brothers and sisters in Christ.

Connected as one big, crazy, awesome, beautiful family of believers. 

Love: Because Anger And Apathy Aren’t Enough

Courtney13 Comments

“As the church, we are in community together trying to fulfill this Great Commission that Jesus left us with. As we gently press into each other, we form one united thing, His church. As we work together, sharing the space God gives us to do His work, we all become shaped a little different. We all become a little more like Him.” ― Jennifer L. Lane.

As I’ve passed on from high school to college, I’ve noticed a series of distinct difference between the two. Granted, this may not be the case for all, but considering I’m contrasting a Christian education with a secular environment, there already appear to be a world of dissimilarities.

When I was in high school, pretty much everyone said exactly what they thought—for better or for worse. Classes were small and typically, disagreements during class discussions were fairly common. When it came to views on important matters, everyone had an opinion. Sometimes the opinions were loud, and sometimes they were quite militant, but they were opinions nonetheless.

Now that I’m in college, the dynamics have done a 360. Few people really seem to have strong feelings about anything, and if they do, they manage to hide it well. The hallways are quite sterile, and it’s infrequent to even really make eye contact with anyone. The overall mentality seems to be “You stay out of my business, I’ll stay out of yours“. I hung out with one of my friends recently who’s still in high school at a local public school and she said that she rarely shares her opinions with anyone, as that only causes drama.

From what I’m noticing, it seems that the general consensus in Christian environments is “I’m going to give my opinion very loudly whether you like it or not” and the general consensus in secular environments seems to be “Stay out of my business and try not to get in anyone’s way“.

Both approaches fall short in interacting with the world as Christ would. 

When someone only wants to yell and point fingers, they fail to care about the very people they’re supposed to be loving. When someone never stops to give advice or to try help someone work through a problem, they communicate coldness and apathy. As Christians, we’re supposed to love and be a family, which presents an entirely different vision than either approach offers.

When you’re in a family, you don’t just spew off disagreements without a relationship and the other person’s best interests at heart. You also don’t only chat casually and avoid any subject that could potentially bring conflict. Both of these approaches are dysfunctional and both fail to live up to Jesus’ calling to “Go and make disciples” (Which could also be thought of as, “go bring people to the family“).

Many times in the media, we hear the word empowerment being used frequently. I believe this word best sums up my point here. Our goal as Christians is not to condemn or to be cold and uncaring, but to empower people to find their best selves in Christ. This means caring about forming relationships with other people, helping them sort through the messiness of life, and helping them to find God’s will in their lives. Clearly, there are many matters where it’s best to “agree to disagree” but we should never, in our pursuit of kindness, default to the booming, loud apathy of disconnection.

Our love needs to come from a deeper place than silence and rage, it needs to come from our living breathing Savior, who loves us and has adopted us as His own. 

We can only become all that God intended us to be through caring, building up, and watching over our family and potential family-to-be. 

Anger and apathy will never be enough.

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Thirty Day Blogging Challenge: Day 24

Courtney9 Comments

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Day 24…What attracts you (In love) 

  • A strong faith-This is absolutely essential. The number one thing that I find attractive in a guy is a rock-solid Christian faith; someone who knows God’s Word and puts Jesus first in his life. Bonus points if they enjoy conversations about faith-related matters.
  • Good values-Another essential. By good values, I mean law-abiding (God’s law and civil law), clean cut, and respectful. For me to have even the slightest amount of interest in a guy, he has to be a gentleman. Basically, this can be summed up in the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). Furthermore, the guy has to see me as an equal with my own personality, hopes, and dreams, and respect my desire to have a career.
  • Considers the feelings of others-This means someone who is sensitive to the feelings of others (even those who aren’t in their company) and an all-around compassionate person. A lack of empathy is honestly one of my biggest turn-offs, as it speaks volumes about their character (Or lack thereof). I’m attracted to guys who are kind, courteous, and civil towards others; even those whom he disagrees with.
  • Depth-Because I absolutely love discussing life, depth is something that I’m drawn to. I love when someone can shed new light on something or get me to look at an issue from a different perspective. The guy does not have to be an extravert, but he does have to enjoy conversation and be able to handle my random musings on life. I believe being able to converse and enjoy each other’s company is essential to any relationship.
  • Common intersts-I always find it cool when someone I like shares my interests. C.S. Lewis says “Friendship … is born at the moment when one man says to another “What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . .” For me, the same applies for guys I’m attracted to. This could mean similarities in hobbies, personality, or the way we see the world. Obviously there have to be some differences (After all, you can’t very well have an interesting conversation with someone who is identical to you), but overall, I tend to gravitate towards people who I can relate to.

How about you? What do you believe are important qualities in a person? As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts and opinions! 

Q&A Time!

Courtney13 Comments

Hey guys, inspired by my friend Mfon, I decided to do a Q&A discussion with you guys.

I have been wondering about this question for a while now and I’m very curious hear your thoughts on it. The question is: Do opposites attract or people who are similar?

By this, I mean personality, hobbies, and patterns of thinking.

What has been your personal experience and which do you think is more common? Please give reasons for your view in the comments section.

I can’t wait to hear your thoughts!

So What About Feminism? (Part Three)

Courtney4 Comments

Warning: Extremely long post. Grab a cup of tea, put on some good music and make yourself comfortable if you dare to read all of this. 

I’ll be honest, I enjoy a good love story. Though I come across fairly ‘tomboyish’ to most who know me, I have a weakness for chick-flicks and Hallmark movies (The secret’s out y’all!). I love books by Karen Kingsbury, pretty much any movie with Reese Witherspoon.

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Furthermore, since marriage and family is likely to be a huge part of the lives of many Christians, I feel that it is very important topic to address within this series.

Admittedly, as a girl who has been single since birth, I’m coming at this from an “outside looking in” perspective. Nonetheless, I do not live in a bubble and I’ve had the opportunity to witness relationship dynamics in both real life and the movies. Plus, like many millennial girls, I have a fair amount of old Taylor Swift songs on my iTunes account. 😉

Joking aside, I have taken the time to research this topic and have read passages in the Bible that relate to marriage. I’ve also searched reputable, outside-sources by people who know God’s word and have studied this topic much longer than I have.

I believe that our best starting place in studying this topic is asking what God intends marriage to look like. Because humans are fallen, we’ve likely witnessed, or even been in, an unhealthy relationship before. Look no further than television to find dysfunctional relationships abroad. Many TV shows portray blatant disrespect, borderline emotional-abuse, and lust as commonplace, something to be expected in dating or marital relationships. This should not be so. God takes this covenant so seriously that He uses the metaphor of marriage to describe Christ’s relationship with the church. Clearly, God has high standards for marriage.

God calls for love and respect on both ends of the relationship. Some people have tried to create a power imbalance between the husband and wife by misusing the word ‘submit’, but I do not believe that hierarchy in marriage is God’s intent. In the Garden of Eden, God gives Adam and Eve equal dominion over the earth, as co-stewards of creation (Genesis 1:28).

Furthermore, in the original Greek language, submit means to ‘voluntary yield in love‘. The word used to refer to husbands and wives is different than the word used for parent-child relationships. The wife is not called to absolute obedience, but rather to love and respect her husband, just as her husband is called to love and respect her. To quote an article from godswordtowomen.org Absolute obedience belongs to God alone (www.godswordtowomen.org/patriarchyriss.htm).

So what does it mean for both partners to love and respect each other? It would seem that the first step is to treat each other kindly. Colossians 3:19 instructs husbands not to be harsh to their wife and Proverbs 21:19 warns against wives being quarralsum with their husband. In short, it seems that the Golden Rule applies to both partners in marriage, “Do to others as you would have them do to you” (Luke 6:31). 

A second thing that I believe is highly important in a marriage is for both partners to encourage one and other. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 says “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” I believe that both partners should do their best to encourage each other’s dreams, goals, careers, and callings. God has a unique plan for each person’s life, and it’s important that both the husband and the wife encourage each other to become all that God intended them to be.

It is also import for both spouses to provide emotional support when their partner is going through a difficult time. Oftentimes, people place the emphasis on financial support, but  many gals believe emotional support is just as important. There is much more to marriage than “putting food on the table”. Taking the time to listen and understand your spouse is something that will likely stay in their mind much longer than a number on a paycheck.

Last but far from least, marry someone who shares your faith and values. I cannot stress this point enough. I have seen people marry someone from a drastically different faith background, or no faith at all, and it always causes a truckload of problems. Complications come in with raising children and the couple misses out on the bond of a common faith. 2 Corinthians 6:14 says, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” This is not saying that unbelievers are bad people. All of us were unbelievers at one point (After all, even if we were raised in church, we weren’t born Christian). What it is saying, is that it’s important for our close friends, and especially our spouse, to share our faith and convictions.

. . . .

This post concludes my three-part series on Biblical gender-equality.

I hope you all have enjoyed reading this series as much as I have enjoyed writing it. I have received a lot of positive feedback and have been challenged in a very positive way as I’ve searched the Bible for answers to hard questions. If you pull nothing else away from this series, I want to leave you with one thing to think about; God loves us and wants to use us in the midst of countless of differences. 

We’re all in slightly different pockets of life and come from a variety of backgrounds, but through Christ’s blood on the cross, we are one giant, amazing, beautiful, diverse family.

Called to emulate, follow, and share the love of our Savior, and shine as a light to a broken and dark world. ❤️

 

The Best Kind of Love

Courtney5 Comments

Valentines day. 

A day when couples celebrate their romance and singles celebrate Netflix.

Or, at least, that’s how it’s how it is often characterized. Admittedly, I’ve been single for my whole life, so I honestly don’t have much helpful advice in regards to relationships, except to follow the Bible, ask for wisdom from wise mentors, never compromise, and pray a lot.

But, I do have a thing or two to say about love. Because regardless of whether or not you’ve ever been in a relationship, if you’re a Christian, you’ve been given the best kind of love. A love that took human form and willingly allowed Himself to be “pierced for our transgressions and crushed for our sins” (Isaiah 53:5).

A Love that left Heaven in all of it’s glory to unite us to Him.

A Love that allowed every person the opportunity to find Him and live in Heaven with Him for all eternity.

A Love that made all who accept it one giant, diverse family.

This love is the love of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. John 15:13 says “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”  This is exactly what God did for us. 

But, the picture gets even more beautiful. Because of this amazing, out-of-this-world love, Christians are given the opportunity to follow in the footsteps of this counter-cultural kind of love. We’re invited into the family of God and called to invite others into this masterpiece. Following God is ultimately a call to love and be loved.

Maybe you’re single this valentines day. Perhaps you’re dealing with a breakup or unrequited feelings. Whatever your relationship status this Valentines Day, I want you to remember that you are loved. God’s love never fails, and I’m willing to bet that you have a handful of other people who care about you too. If you want something to do this Valentines Day, perhaps you could go out with a group of friends and celebrate your friendship. Or, you could spread the love by volunteering at a soup kitchen or homeless shelter. There are a lot of ways to celebrate love this Valentines Day.

And, the first place to look is up. ❤️

“This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.” 1 John 4:9-11. (NIV)