In Dependence

I have a confession to make: 

I’m a recovering independent. 

From the time I was a little girl, I’ve always been determined to rely on myself and never, ever ask for help with anything. I had four favorite words as a child—always in the same order.

“I’ll do it myself.” 

As I’ve gotten older, this symptom has only seemed to grow more severe.

Perhaps it’s a by-product of the thousands of self-help/self empowerment messages I’ve absorbed over my lifetime, an extremely perfectionistic personality, or the fear of depending on others. More than likely, it’s a combination of all of the above. Sometimes, this translates into positive character traits such as a good work ethic and healthy sense of independence. Other times, my self-relience becomes a vice. It can cause me to become stubborn, avoiding asking for help—even from the One who we’re called to lean on in times of need.

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This year, I feel like God is slowly trying to break this vice, helping me to rely more on Him and less on myself. Most of you know that this is my first year of college, but one thing that some of you may not know is that I was homeschooled K-12.

I wasn’t anti-social, sheltered, or otherwise freakish during my school years, but prior to 2016, I was in classes where the majority of my classmates shared my faith. I still saw and dealt with many of the same struggles that people in public/private schools deal with, but I was accustomed to being surrounded by fellow believers in my homeschool classes (Yes, many homeschoolers do take classes outside of the house). I had what many people would consider a “small town experience”. I knew most of my teachers before I took classes with them and grew up with a lot of the same kids all the way through school.

Oftentimes, I took the comforts of familiarity for granted, not realizing how comfortable I have become in the same building, with the same students for so many years. Now, I barely know anyone at college and I’m in a secular environment for the first time.

The rug of familiarity has been pulled out from underneath me.

Nonetheless, through all of this, I believe that God is trying to make me stronger and more reliant on Him. No longer can I depend on myself, familiarity, or the comfort of being surrounded by fellow Christians. When I’m alone and uncertain at college, I have to depend solely on God – trusting that He’ll give me the strength I need to get through the day. 

To quote Julian, a fellow blogger friend, I need to “Frog it“—in other words, Fully Rely On God. There are times that we can’t fully rely on ourself in this world. In a world where Christians are becoming more the minority every day, crime and death runs rampant, and a thousand choices lay before our eyes, we need to keep our eyes on one thing and one thing only—Jesus. He’s the only one big enough to help us through all of life’s ups and downs.

If you’re also a recovering independent, I urge you to sink into Jesus and give Him the steering wheel. It may be scary, but in the end, He’s the one that can sustain us and carry us through this rapidly spinning world. We need Him in every breath and every moment.

We need to FROG it, fully relying on a God who knows us in our weakness and strength, our doubt and confidence, and every moment of our life. God has entrusted us with this life that we’re living. 

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The question that we have to answer is this: Will we trust God? 

This is what the Lord says:

“Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
    who draws strength from mere flesh
    and whose heart turns away from the Lord.
That person will be like a bush in the wastelands;
    they will not see prosperity when it comes.
They will dwell in the parched places of the desert,
    in a salt land where no one lives.

“But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord,
    whose confidence is in him.
They will be like a tree planted by the water
    that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
    its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
    and never fails to bear fruit.”

Jeremiah 17:5-8

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Author: Courtney

Christian. Bibliophile. Britt Nicole Fan. Future author and songwriter.

13 thoughts on “In Dependence”

  1. I feel like I could also have written this…those were also my favourite words as a child 😛

    I also actually grew up in a small Christian school – it wasn’t homeschooling, but it was a small (compared to all the other schools :P) private school with people who believed the same things, and there was a handful of us who were there from K-12. And then I went to a secular university, and everything got flipped around. It took some adjustment and lots of staying in connection with a good church and good, solid friends and family, and leaning on God but I really learned to love it, and found so many good people and opportunities and creative inspiration 🙂

    As someone who’s already been there: yes, “FROG it” indeed. But as I’ve been recently learning: ultimately, there’s no precise steps to “trust God.” It’s not you, it’s Him. You just have to be, and be in Him. Philippians 2:13: “for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.”

    Be blessed! And from one to another: You can do it! But it won’t be you 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow, it sounds like we have a lot in common! Honestly, I think my experience was pretty similar to a small Christian school. I have some friends in/from Christian schools and their experiences seem very similar to mine.
      I also agree that there are no exact steps, we just have to keep trusting in Him.
      This sentence is so true, “You can do it! But it won’t be you.” Very wise!
      Thanks for commenting Adinade – God bless! 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Fun fact, I got the frog acronym from a frozen yogurt place that my wife and I love to go to 8-D. We legit found a Christian froyo place how awesome is that ahahaha!!! I legitimately suffer from the same thing though. I have such a hard time asking people for help. I’m like no thats okay I will figure it out. Meanwhile I’m drowning and don’t know how to swim. (I do know how to swim that’s just an example.) But yeah God helps me to get it all figured out and even humble myself to ask for help because sometimes I can go from fully relying on God to fully relying on myself.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. A Christian froyo place – that is seriously awesome, Julian!!!😂😂😝 And yup, that pretty much sums up my experience too. My mom calls it stubbornness. Even if I really need help, there’s no way I’m letting anyone else know about it.😂😂 I really need to work on that, and fully rely on God instead of myself. Great hearing from you, bro!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. God bless you for sharing this Courtney. Just the other day I was musing on the Bible verse you quoted below. I’m in a situation right now where I really need to frog it. So this was really timely for me.
    PS: That’s a really cool acronym, Julian 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I had such attitude now. People called it stubbornness but I call it self reliance. I find it hard to call on help from people except when it has becomes really , really ‘pressed’ to do so.

    But for some months now, I feel like I am being reconditioned.

    Thanks for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

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