Day Twenty-Seven: A Letter To Somebody

This is a letter to my thirteen year old self. During this time, a lot of changes began to happen, and if I could tell my younger self anything during this time, this is what I’d say.

Dear Younger Me,

Congratulations on making it all the way thirteen and preparing to embark on journey through your teenage years. As we both know, you’ve already seen a lot in your life. You’ve seen a near impossible prayer answered in a way neither of us could have expected. You’ve started attending church with your family. You’ve made a group of close friends in your classes. You’re already beginning to form in to the person you’re going to become. But, there’s more—there’s so much more.

I wish I could prepare you for something that’s going to happen soon. I wish I could warn you somehow, and numb the blow, but I have a feeling that you’re going to have to find out the hard way—the way I did. This may sound impossible now—as a Bible toting youth group student, but you’re going to start to struggle in your faith after watching Christian leader take a fall. You’re going to have a hard time going to church and become more aware of other problems you were previous unaware of. Your life is about to be turned upside-down, and you’ll feel a little lost for a while.

It will get better though. You won’t always be as jaded as you’re about to become. You’re going to meet two friends in high school who will help you stay afloat in your faith, and eventually, you’ll stumble upon a blog that will help you find the beauty in faith and church again. You’ll find your own voice and find that maybe you’re not a freak for asking questions—you’re human. What you’re about to witness would be enough to shake anyone’s faith, but it won’t remain shaken. You’ll climb out on the other side, victorious.

I want you to learn to humble yourself. I don’t know if this will change a thing, but I have to say it anyways. Please don’t let the reputation that you hold so tightly to, the reputation of being a good girl, stop you from being real. Don’t slip into the horrible habit of pretending to be fine when you’re crumbling inside. You’re not a bad Christian for having questions and doubts, and you’re not the first person to wrestle with their faith. You’re not the first Christian to go through a period where God feels distant—like He’s a million miles away. You’re also not loosing your faith. It may not seem like it right now, but you’re actually growing in your faith. You just don’t know it yet. God hasn’t turned His back on you.

Also, don’t be afraid to let people in. During your time in high school, you’re going to loose a couple of people, but you’ll also make some of the truest friends you’ll ever have. Don’t let one fallout ruin your desire to make new friends, and don’t let it dim your light. Pretty soon, you’ll meet a girl who’s also in a rough season. Befriend her. She’ll eventually become your best friend.

There’s so much more I could say, but for now, this is the best advice I could give you. Stay true to yourself, keep following God, and believe that it will all work out in the end. Your moment will come, and you’ll eventually find the confident version of yourself that you’ve been searching for.

Sincerely,

Future Courtney.